Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Still Dreaming...

i dream of places that remain unseen, because one can only see them when their vision is keen, and focused on the beauty that can only be seen, with organic eyes,
not a telescope, microscope or any other machine, can magnify or replicate an atom of the beauty I have seen, even its imperfections like the cracks and the seems, from them shined such an immense light beam, so bright that it made my heart sing,then filled it with the power of a king, and more courage then the lord of the ring, plus wisdom to understand whatever the future brings,
but the future has never brought me back to my oasis, Ive been to few places but have seen so many faces,i have lost friends due to murderers and court cases,but I've learned regardless of what your race is, its all about what race your running and what your pace is,
so where are you headed?, and how fast are you willing to get there?,figure it out before your finish line vanishes into thin air,
I'm en-route so please don't try to compare, my obstacles to yours because honestly i do not care,I've never been a fan of all the fanfare, well maybe once but everybody was once there......

2 Cents

i a victim of a system that once lynched men,
and that wasn't so way back when, so tell me why the fuck i should pretend,
that society doesn't judge the hue of my skin,
ignoring the qualities that i posses within,
then label me as poor for my lack of money to spend,due to that i can only afford to lend, you my two cents, while i struggle to find true sense,until the day the grass is greener on my side of the fence,i carry on with the pride of a lion as my defense,pardon if i remain tense,but my sixth sense,is telling to remain aware,like the old wise owls stair,because soon the shit will hit the fan i can already smell it in the air......

I Ponder

i ponder on what my ancestors did to stay alive,
then compare that with what it takes today to survive,
and i am disgusted by the lengths that others go just to thrive,
while they live a lie,slowly committing suicide, inside!, internalizing their very own demise,
so i analyze what it truly takes to be wise, and I've learned i must wear a disguise,when walking through the land of the lies, because there are so many spies,
in other words authorities,the creator of oppression against the majorities,they oversee my freedom,then hijack my human rights like i don't need em,can you believe em?,that's fascism!!! I'm just calling them how i see em,
Masons run the world but i still wouldn't want to be one,if i don't worship a god why would i worship the sun, RAH!

Greener Grass?

"They say the grass is greener on the other side BUT there is barley any grass where i reside......
*NEWSFLASH* MOTHER-NATURE IS BE
ING SLAUGHTERED WORLDWIDE !!!!!"

Dreaming Recollections

i dreamed of a recollection of my life's true direction,then woke up disconnecting my connection from rejection,i just witnessed a projection of ME as priceless as an ancient art collection,then saw myself crossing love and sorrows intersection,as i preformed my purified defection from lowly imperfection to imperial perfection,
which has lead me to become a non believer in the holy resurrection,due in part because your "god" refuses preform corrections,to a society preoccupied with the next persons complexion,
i am learning to see HUMANS not colors,
i wonder what if the world saw itself through my eyes,would it fight to stay alive or commit suicide?,as i analyze the speed in which my thoughts collide,that i confine when i confide in my mind that moonlights as a bonafied Jekyll and Hyde,when viewed from the other side that once cast it aside then denied an upside,no wonder i must try my hardest no to subside,and only make my presence known when my tears have dried!!!....

Random Quote

"Picture self expression is an instrument, then please consider me an orchestra!!!..."

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mother Nature

I once met beauty and she whispered,
"please remember me, because the world is destroying what little is left of me",
until there's nothing left of beauty to see, humans are killing mother nature,daily as a whole we raper her!!!...

Monday, May 10, 2010

Regret


Trapped in a room with everybody I let down,
There faces imprinted on all the walls that I stand around,
I hear there voices echo in every direction,
I feel there disappointment when I see my reflection,
Sometimes I wounder what is the cause of my disconnection,
With reality, I'm in search of the correction,
Some days I can't help i wake and feel neglected,
If regret was a job, its checks I have once collected,
Some days days I feel like my creativity is being arrested,
And further more suspected, of being my downfall,
Once incarcerated,my mind won't grant my creativity its phone call,
My mind says "who the fuck are you going to call?",
My mind takes out all of its hostility,
It says,"nobody wants to hear any of the shit you have to say" ,
It says, "you stupid motherfucker your why we I don't fit in with society, your the reason why the family, thinks Less of me!",
They say, "he's so brilliant, he just should have gone to college, as we speak he could have been a business man raking in the dollars",
Regret has my Vision impaired, everything I see is red,
Some days I wish that I was never even born instead,
That's how regret will make you feel after it tells you, "your never ever gunna make it",
If depression was a class, unfortunately I would ace it,
Some days I wish life was found in a store, so mine I can just go an replace it,
This is what poured out when she asked me "why is that how you feel",
This is my reply, although it seems so unreal,
This is how I feel, I feel sidetracked and derailed, like my hearts been impaled, by an arrow that's tip is sorrow filled,
Is this my life is the question I'm steadily asking,
Stuck in the struggle, while beautifully multitasking,
In pursuit of progression, while ripping off the masking,
Tape off my eyes, REGRET, I could almost see past him,
But the pursuit is taking its toll, my frame beginning to slim,
Being consumed by the hunger from within,
That's only found in the chosen few, destined to change their environment from within with a pencil or a pen,
A place where the the majority survive but the select few strive,
For greatness by all means,
But like I said, some days I'm sidetracked, I can't explain it, perhaps I'm mentally ill,
Cus some days I don't feel loved at all, and that shit is ill,
Some days I feel like a failure and that shit is ill,
Some days I wake up with a heavy heart, like I let depression fill,
It with cement!
Some days I wonder is phrase really that important,
If it is, to get it from my loved ones, I refuse to extort them,
That's a method I would never resort to,it just wouldn't feel the same if they were forced to,
This is where I reside,the place that I feel threatened is demise,
Welcome to the land where regret makes it rain acid from the sky's,
If I look up to complain it will burn my eyes,
Indecision runs ramped, an the streets scream why....Why....WHY!!!!....

Its's like


Its like, have you ever stood at a crossroad?,
No cars coming, but at the intersection you remain froze,
And once a direction you have finally chose, you suddenly realize all the signs say "road closed",
The traffic lights change like clock work, from red to yellow to green,
But you remain stuck in a position you could have never foreseen,
Doubting this is your reality, you convince yourself this is a dream.
Its like, have you ever stood at the edge of cliff, rooftop, bridge or whatever your brink is?,
Its like, have you ever been overcome by your weakness?,
Its like, have you ever dealt with a pain you could not dismiss?,
Its like, have you ever felt like happiness was none of your business?,
Its like, have you ever felt your thighs burn from chasing bliss?,
Its more like, I'm Dyer need of someone to tell ME, its not ME,
To say "your not alone, I have your back, I take pride in you standing right beside me",
To say "its not your fault, don't blame yourself, don't blame your pops, don't blame the property,
That you were place since your conception like monopoly",
Its most definitely like, i need somebody to feel me,
And if not, will someone just walk up an kill ME!,
Maybe then the love will begin to heel me,
Then bring me back to life as the persona that killed me.
The metaphors are deep here so please follow closely,
ITS LIKE, the PAST me HAS to DIE, so the PRESENT me could GROW into the FUTURE me FREELY.....
Now that's really what its like!!!!...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cold World Quote


"I'm just trying to staying warm in a world so cold that my ancestors were bought and then resold,
worst of all looked at only as free labor,if there is a god he must have owed the slave masters a favor,because for over 400 years the god you pray to wouldn't waver,....is that what you call a savior?"

Conversation with FREEDOM


i asked freedom, "why do you elude me?",
she responds "because those in power tend to abuse me!"
i replied,"that makes sense but why should i pay for their mistakes,and be forced to accept a carbon copy of you that is of highest quality fakes",
i beg freedom, "please give me a break,if heaven exist then for that place sake, its not like i chose to be born here,
freedom responded," be grateful you weren't born in the wrong year, were being hung was an actual living fear,causing a mental trauma of which nothing compare,knowing you could be killed the second you dared, to share, you thoughts, or living during the most criminal age never taught, when living breathing human beings were sold and bought",
i apologized to freedom because i know compared to them I'm living great,but that will never ever ever saturate,the fact, that today we lack, freedom! like citizens of Iraq, choosing to fight back,the USA spreading freedom is another case of the pot calling the kettle black,its been this way as far as i can see back,the only thing that changes are the years and the maps,just another day running laps, chasing freedom on the life length track....

Random Quote

"..."love is art without an eraser and sometimes times it burns like a gallon of henny without a chaser,because i cant face her or replace her! "

I Fell

I fell because I was foolish
I fell because I didn't learn my lesson
I fell because I don't believe in god
I fell because I missed the warning signs
I fell because no one cared
I fell because I didn't believe in myself
I fell because I am my own worst enemy
I fell because I failed to reach perfection
I fell because I didn't know what perfection was
I fell because my father was never there
I fell because my mother hardly cared
I fell because I was the first born
I fell because I was afraid of commitment
I fell because she didn't love me back
I fell because excuses was my middle name
I fell because life confuses me
I fell because I always make the wrong choice
I fell due to my own insecurities
I fell because I'm surrounded my negativity
I fell because I am a product of 2 people who lacked maturity
I fell because so tough love could teach me a lesson
I fell so I could look despair in the eyes
I fell to gain a better understanding
I fell to witness triumph first hand
I fell only to rise a better man and I will never fall again!!!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Real Man


My goal is to be a walking contradiction of the many opinions and the descriptions, of a man, because to me the current definition is baffling and too complex to understand,

A real man handles his business both at work and at home,

A real man doesn't leave his wife to raise the children alone, those are actions i cannot condone!

A real man plays the one hand that he was dealt,

A real man thinks of his family before he thinks of himself,

A real man overcomes obstacles placed in his path, even the ones he cant help a real man doesn't trade respect, honor, and loyalty for status, power or wealth.

Being gangsta is not being a real man, there are a few but they are far in-between, i base my biest opinion on the situations that i have seen, as scary as what many call a bad dream. i see brothas on the block hustlin, movin them things, working hard jus to string, enough cash together, but not for pampers, but for that new black leather, would buy Jordan's before buying they kids a sweater! these actions i can not condone, a real man knows better.

Although only 25, I consider myself a man, wise way beyond my years and I owe that to my grandparents blood sweat an tears,

My grandfather, the greatest man I ever met, was always there with advice. He taught me the importance, of never making the same mistake twice....

Random Rant

I need a break from this so called reality. Better yet I need a break from society! Real is an ok dude in my book, but this bitch society is a motherfucker!
Society will brainwash your youth until there demise. Perverse their minds with white American lies. Teach self hate and promote racial annihilation. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Society is a Racist motherfucker ...ruthless!!!
With that said, I analyze my mental evolution I realize why so little of my comrades understand me or my mindset. Was it they misguided by society or I? Am I paranoid with a brain jam packed with conspiracy theories? Is it wrong to have a unique mind that understands things differently? Is it foolish to have to not find contempt in a society so corrupt? Is it blasphemy to not believe and indulge in what society has created as my reality? Has my thought pattern been hack or is it pure? Am I onto something or have I just gone mad?..
When is enough, enough?

Young Queens


I send this message out to all my young queens,
Searching for the world that exist beyond the broken glass, drug pushers and crack fiends,
Dealing with the daily madness of men and all there schemes,The treacherous lies, the deceitful lines are just a facade to get in those jeans!
In there minds men will stop at nothing to achieve there perverted, misogynistic,chauvinist, alpha male goals by all means,
DO NOT FALL VICTIM MY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG QUEENS!
My beautiful queens, the media presents an image of you in magazines, movie and on TV screens,
Provocative, promiscuous, portraits painted poisoning the minds of millions of young and now pre teen queens.Due to that you find yourselves striving to be beautiful by all means,But do not fall victim to the glamor and bling,
MY NATURALLY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG QUEENS.....

Life


Life is so precious that I'm realizing I have to love it, and living it is what ill covet, the face that I can breathe, I place I nothing above it, it leads me to believe, I've figured out why I'm really here!, allow my lungs to absorb the fresh air, so I don't run out of breath when no one is no one left, to challenge me as the finish line is now in the rear, meaning I ran past it, never broke out of 5th gear, I have to lap you, not only in the race but in life, not cus I want to but I have to. That is the way that I was molded, cut from a different cloth that's never been folded, I learned the truth despite never being told it!I use to dream, and then I realized dreams are only there while your asleep, the second you wake up the probability of recreating them is bleak, an endless road that leaves the strongest people weak, if you've ever suffered from depression you know of what I speak, feelin incomplete like a car with no seats, like music without beats, a city without streets, a summer without heat, a trick without a treat!But check it, I can no longer be descerte, I fear being restrained, so I no longer sleep wrapped in sheets, I must break out of this mental captivity rebel against the norms, middle finger you if you think I will ever conform, I will attempt to walk right through the perfect storm, before I even consider conforming to societies norms...

Sigh


My low self esteem is at an all time high, I'm hard pressed to take comfort in relief deep sigh,.....take a second to gather my thoughts, being bombarded by each an every one of my faults, I wish success was something I coulda bought, years ago, and got it over wit, so today I wouldn't be chasing it, but the chase has gone from a run to a jog to a walk to a crawl at the pace of my heart beat, at a glance to the side I see a peer speed past me, while I'm still crawling past the same landmark I came across last week, fatigue is kickin, my hands are blisterin, as I crawl my knees leave behind a blood trail, so the day when I finally prevail, you can follow it right through this contemporary hell, but keep a steady pace or your feet will begin to swell, believe you me this is not where you want to to dwell, an pick up your pace when you come across the spot where I fell,That spot will consume you....

Random Quote

"...I was told not to take life to serious you never make out alive, riches that have been deprived, won't matter on the day that you die, So I decide, to leave my mark on this earth, totally disregarding my net worth, FUCK POVERTY! "

" Untitled "

Life is a canvas and I've begun to paint my masterpiece, with colors and the brush that masses use the least, A pencil and a pad, with that I am a beast, that is starving in dyer need of a feast, like a lion left alone to roam empty city streets, verbally roaring when my confidence is soaring, my thoughts are imploring, me to let them spread throughout the masses!

Staring ar the stars

Staring out my project window, gazing at the stars,Just beginning to comprehend how far the really are,How bizarre, it is to see a star, through my project window bars!Some days I wake up, and my mental make up, is urging travel, pick up and leave my home,Even If it means embarking on my journey all alone,Sometimes that's what a king must do in order to find his throne,Feelin like I am the emperor of ancient Greece or Rome,Fighting in the coliseum or a modern day terror dome,The daily battles are takin my heart and turning it into a stone,Which intern leaves me trapped in a dangerous zone,Feeling no feelings like a robot or a programmed drone,Has left me to fall prone, to the thought that I will never feel like I'm home!Searching for the comfort that cannot find in myself,It took me 24 an a half years to realize that I needed help,Battles are easier to win when you don't fight them by yourself!!!I realize while starin at the stars, that sometimes help is needed to heal emotional scars,With that said, who is willing to help me, now that I've traveled this far!!!!......

" Untitled "

Real talk is a language the masses don't understand, Like the clicks spoken by tribes on African lands,It reaches the ears of the elder men, but modern day man is to foolish comprehend,So as a wise word falls upon a an ignorant ear,My eye verbally sheds a single bloody tear,Tears are words that your mouth can't speak,My heart is hurtin an it just started to leak,The love, Its only a matter of time before I'm am too weak,To continue, livin life in such a forsaking venue,Where survival is the only meal that's on menu

Random Quote

" ....I once heard voiceless man say,"riots are the voice of the voiceless", now I believe suicide bombings are the voice of the voiceless! The voice of the voiceless shall not remain unheard, for society will never silence the voice of the voiceless......"

Can't hide from life...

One can not forever hide from life, for eventually life will find you! Its only a matter of time before life forces you to define you. The sun won't always shine, but it will always eventually stop raining. Sometimes one can't afford to let it stop, so one must allow the rain to rain on them, But careful not to over do it, its draining!As soon as one feels ones self straining,One must suddenly seek the shelter of love,Some seek it from above,I seek it from within,I seek it from other people, an perhaps that's my mistake,But to feel love and find its shelter, that's my risk I'm willing to take,Because I cannot hide from life forever, I can't out run it, because it will always catch up,So I surrender myself to life, not matter how much I think mine may suck!!...but hold up, Before I leave, remember I said I surrender to life, I never said I give up!!!!!.....

Have you ever been there?


If I dream of a better place will it automatically appear?
If so then I swear, I wish I could see past these bars on my windows and envision myself there.
To a world where humanity cares, because there is so much love you can feel it in the air!
Have you ever been there?

Refuse to Mime


i am speaking my own mind during a time society would rather i mime,i refuse to be a mental prisoner held captive by my own mind,so pardon me while "myself" i go find,like a needle in a hay stack,better yet a needle in a urban metropolis of hay stacks that fell through grand canyon sized cracks,and at all cost the needle must be found,i am calling for duty while i search the grounds with my adjectives, verbs and nouns,welcome to my metaphorical compound,where words are used to paint illustrations that astound,and inspire the sound that is heard all around,the world translating the cries of freedom!!!

Random Quote

" ...currently writing down everything i think until my ball point pen runs out of ink,and my lost soul morphs into the missing link!,refusing to blink until i surpass the brink of my sanity that is becoming extinct "

Peace of Mind


! need to find my peace of mind and make a truce,because i don't know how much longer i can take the abuse,
perhaps i need different muse,maybe i just need a slightly better excuse,or maybe i just need to continue to break loose,with the strength of Zeus,as i untie amerikkka complex mental noose,
when completed ill throw up my mental deuce,and two fingers in the air for PEACE!,
from where i was born in jersey to the deserts of the middle east,and if not peace,then at the least,can the innocent cease,from feeling the wrath of war beast,how much longer can the corporate elite feast,while the poor work the most to receive the least,you call this America? I call it where people live on streets,its capitalism and the banks are playing to keep,by instituting an interest that's far to steep,
what will become of amerikkka when the time comes for her to reap,what she has sowed,and she is forced to repay what she owes,every penny including what she charges for tolls,
until then I'm just tryna be the rose, that rose from the cracks in the concrete,that lie under my feet,as i stand on the same street,where a man and his destiny meet,on the same avenue that opportunity creeps,where happiness is my oasis but the pond daily leaks,therefore i seek,a new facade cus mine is starting to reek,of misery!!!

INHALE


I lite a dutch inhale and gravitate to a level,where my thoughts have begun to settle,realizing that the world is just "one big ghetto",

i wounder could i be its slumdog millionaire, like an uncrowned king carving a throne out of a chair, taking the good with the evil knowing life is never fair, example number one my real pops was never there, or rather here, for ME!

so some days its difficult for me to see, myself becoming everything that HE, could NEVER NEVER be,some days i wounder why does he neglect me, who I've grown to be is beautiful how could he not accept me?,

some days i feel like the whole entire world is sane except me, not to mention the days when even i reject me, cant bare my own reflection disgusted by what i see, the surrogate or an avatar of a man afraid to be what he was meant to be, and that leads to the secondary question of "was it meant to be", am i meant to fulfill the greatness inside me?, i walk this path alone with no one besides me, and some days that leaves me besides me, its like never finding the lock after you just found the key, or the feeling you get when stranded at sea, some days i feel it in the air it even suffocates me,some days I am in search of intervention, some days it even hurts for me to mention, the fact i once suffered from depression, or maybe i still do, because to be honest Ive yet to encounter my clear view, of the way you are supposed to view you,i just got to understanding i have value, this process takes times and it was recommended to not breeze through, so I'm taking my time despite being see through, i was instructed never force the world to see you, and despite all the personas JUST BE YOU!, wait your turn and the day will come where your no longer invisible, cherish those moments or forever remain miserable, without a memory or recollection of who you are, you'll look in the mirror and ask just who are you?,impersonation my reflection, searching your mental Rolodex for the slightest connection, of affection for the visual impersonating your reflection, but you cant find one, then it dawns, your farther from who you want to be then you are from the sun, that's 93 million and one, miles traveled so far beyond the tribulations and the trials, while dodging the obscene and side stepping the vile,just to feel the warmth of a bright smile....