Soft Spoken Appreciation

Life is a gift I've yet to open, due to losing most of people I had hope in, which created a pool of tears for me to soak in, it's aftermath is every word I've ever spoken,
It may be dented but my will is never broken,
I bend but never break because I bake after I wake,
If not for Mary Jane I mighta turned into a snake because I'm sick of ramen noddles when my hunger craves a steak,
A devil in search of an angel cake..entrapped tied up and burn at the stake,
You see...for light to be noticed gotta surrounded by the darkness,
Love is lovelier when you surround it by the heartless,
When certain aspects of life are like hit or miss, and I've missed more than I've hit so I can't help but reminisce, on the days that felt like they were bliss...while living through Miss-fortune and Mister desperation,
Mind fucked...skip the foreplay and masturbation,
Mentally incarcerated what's the point in recreation?!,
Unless it's for the re-creation of the nation, that's fucking the population..without a single drop of lubrication,
How does one occupy an occupation?!,
While living in a civilization that isn't civil, it's no wonder so many shrivel going crazy like their heads are on a swivel,
It's a fight to stay sane just like Abel and Kane because it's driving me insane that there's no room for my lane, and not enough space in the sky for my mental plane,
The subways are crowed so my train of thoughts bombarded,
If life is a race I have yet to start it,
Each obsticals a test so I'll study and smart it, because..,.
For these last 27 years I've been living in the past, barely seeing the present...let alone a present, despite being gifted,
(WHAT IF)
I was to re-gift the gift...that left me feeling cursed?!, would I and the recipient be better off or worse?!,
I yearn to change the world but it must want to want to change first,
Down pours on my parade every page is submersed,
I'm writing under water..my mind is too deep,
Every time I dream I risk drowning in my sleep,
Then swim through a hidden temple to expand my mental!